What's the story behind Believarexic?
I made to myself when I was fifteen, the first day in the hospital. Somehow, I knew I would be a healthy, happy adult one day. But I had no idea how to get there. So I promised myself that adult me would set a beacon, like a lighthouse, for teenage me to see and steer to. This book is part of that promise. I hope it can be a beacon for others, too.
I love the audiobook! You're such a good narrator! Where can I hear you talk about what it was like to record it?
Thank you so much! It was a difficult and nerve-wracking experience and I loved every minute of it. I hope to do more audiobook narrating. Here's an interview I did with another author about recording our audiobooks for Listening Library. It's on This is the Author podcast.
Have you done any other interviews about Believarexic?
Yes! You can read and listen to several interviews that may satiate your curiosity.
And here's an interview I did about writing the book on The State of Things.
If you could travel back in time, would you change anything?
Believarexic is very personal. You describe your relationships with friends and family in detail. How did they feel about that?
I asked my mother, father, brother, and my best friend, Kelly how they felt about my writing this book, and they said ok. I named them, with their permission. Kelly was an easy yes. But my family—writing about them was hard. For the book to feel authentic, I needed to be honest and real, and not hold anything back. But doing that can be brutal. I didn’t want to hurt them; I’ve already put them through a lot! But my parents read every draft, and have been unwaveringly supportive and good-humored. Their generosity is deeply humbling.
I changed all staff and patients' names and identifying details.
I changed all staff and patients' names and identifying details.
There are plenty of books about eating disorders. Why write another one? What makes Believarexic different?
The title itself points to the fact that eating disorders are about more than disordered eating. I think a lot of existing novels don't fully convey that message. To me, eating disorders are about belief in ourselves—and the quality of our connections to other people.
Believarexic is 100 percent focused on recovery. I've seen a lot of novels and memoirs that focus more on the illness stage of e.d. than recovery, which often means they become how-to manuals. I was very, very careful not to do that with Believarexic. I never mention specific weights—whether "target" weights or maintenance ranges—nor do I discuss "diet" tricks or calorie counts.
An inpatient setting is just a very fascinating world.
And - it's set in the 1980s! Who doesn't love an '80s flashback?
Believarexic is 100 percent focused on recovery. I've seen a lot of novels and memoirs that focus more on the illness stage of e.d. than recovery, which often means they become how-to manuals. I was very, very careful not to do that with Believarexic. I never mention specific weights—whether "target" weights or maintenance ranges—nor do I discuss "diet" tricks or calorie counts.
An inpatient setting is just a very fascinating world.
And - it's set in the 1980s! Who doesn't love an '80s flashback?
Did you recover from your eating disorder?
Yes. I fully recovered from bulimarexia, with two brief relapses along the way. One relapse was after a traumatic event my senior year of high school. I experienced another relapse after giving birth to my child. Both relapses stemmed from bodily changes and emotional stressors that I was unprepared for. But the good news is that I recognized I was struggling, I new I needed extra support, and I knew where to find it. This put me back into recovery very quickly.
As for believarexia? I consider myself 99.7 percent recovered from being believarexic. That pesky 0.03 percent stands for the rough days when I doubt myself or feel insecure. Even when we're grown and healthy and happy, we're all still perfectly imperfect.
As for believarexia? I consider myself 99.7 percent recovered from being believarexic. That pesky 0.03 percent stands for the rough days when I doubt myself or feel insecure. Even when we're grown and healthy and happy, we're all still perfectly imperfect.
Chuck is the best! Did you ever see him again?
How about Sophie?
What happened to everyone?
Yes, Chuck was the best. But no. I never saw him again.
Sophie and I remained close friends for many years. She did great, and is a happy healthy human with a large family and meaningful work. We still keep in touch.
Everyone else? It's a mix. I kept in touch with Bronwyn and Amanda and the other patients for awhile, anywhere from a couple months to a couple years. The general "rule" of e.d. recovery holds true for the people I knew in the hospital: about a third recover completely, around a third go in and out of recovery but do okay-ish, and a third stay in the clutches of their e.d. It's a hard truth and I hope the odds are better with newer treatment modalities.
Sophie and I remained close friends for many years. She did great, and is a happy healthy human with a large family and meaningful work. We still keep in touch.
Everyone else? It's a mix. I kept in touch with Bronwyn and Amanda and the other patients for awhile, anywhere from a couple months to a couple years. The general "rule" of e.d. recovery holds true for the people I knew in the hospital: about a third recover completely, around a third go in and out of recovery but do okay-ish, and a third stay in the clutches of their e.d. It's a hard truth and I hope the odds are better with newer treatment modalities.
Did you know you wanted to be a writer when you were in the hospital?
I always wanted to be a writer, even though it's a difficult profession. I'm so grateful to the librarians, teachers, and friends who have encouraged me to keep writing. I wrote (heh) an article about the elementary school librarian who "published" my very first book for School Library Journal's Knowledge Quest. You can read it here.
